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Being Kissed While You're Asleep Is One Of The Purest Forms Of Love (Unless You're In Prison)
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What If They Close The Supermarkets And We Have To Hunt For Our Food…Where Does Little Debbie Even Live?
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Turn A Regular Sofa Into A Sofa Bed Simply By Forgetting Your Wife's Birthday!
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Show Me Your Boobs And I'll Show You My Tattoos…Tit For Tat
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I Ate A Cupcake Without Sprinkles Today…Diets Are Hard
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Treat Me Like An Option I'll Leave You Like A Choice
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Patience…What You Have When There Are Too Many Witnesses
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Chubby Girls Are Harder To Kidnap Stay Safe…Never Skip Dessert
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Row Row Row Your Boat Gently The Fuck Away From Me
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If You Wait Long Enough To Cook Supper Everyone Will Eat Cereal (Follow Me For More Recipes)
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Don't Worry Laundry Nobody's Doing Me Either
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I Heard What You Did For A Klondike Bar…Call Me
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Bold Words For Someone Withing Stabbing Range
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If You Were A Cookie You'd Be A Whoreo
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Dial 1-800-DID-I-ASK-A-BITCH
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Life Is Not A Fairy Tale, If You Lose A Shoe At Midnight You're Drunk
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Relax, My Tattoos Don't Like You Either
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I'm Not Everyone's Cup Of Tea…But I Drink Coffee So Screw Them!
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Good Morning, I See The Assassins Have Failed
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My Wife Made Me Coffee Then Winked At Me…(I Have Never Been More Afraid Of A Drink In All My Life)
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Never Mistake My Silence For Weakness, No One Plans A Murder Out Loud
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Lucky For Me I Don't Have Enough Friends For An Intervention
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Penny For Your Thoughts…Five Bucks If They Are Dirty
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Shut Up Liver You're Fine
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