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I Give A Little Bit Of A Shit…Just Enough To Keep Me Out Of Jail
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I Want The Job Where I Get To Push Scared Skydivers Out Of Planes
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I Told My Wife To Embrace Her Mistakes So She Hugged Me
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My Wife Said, "Make Me Scream With One Finger" So I Poked Her In The Eye
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Sometimes I Look At My Husband & Think…"Damn! You Are One Lucky Man!"
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I Told My Wife I Wanted To Be Cremated, She Made An Appointment For Next Week
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You Think I'm Cute When I'm Angry…Well Hang On I'm About To Be Adorable
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You Can Talk Behind My Back…Just Don't Be There When I Turn Around
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I Put Myself In Timeout Until I Can Play Nice With Others (Might Be A While)
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My Temper Goes From Zero To Prison Real Fast
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Spilling A Drink Is The Adult Equivalent Of Losing A Balloon
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Keep Your Head High & Your Middle Finger Higher
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I Don’t' Know How To Say This Nicely…So I Won't
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It's A Beautiful Day To Leave Me Alone
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Better Late Than Ugly
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I Know Your Lane Sucks, But Stay In It
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