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Drunkest Bunch of Assholes This Side of the Campground
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Roses Are Dead Love Is Fake Weddings Are Just Funerals With Cake
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My Heart Has No Room For You, But The Trunk Of My Car Definitely Does
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I Don't Sugar Coat Shit, I'm Not Willy Wonka
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I'm A Ray Of Fucking Sunshine
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If You Shut Up When You're Wrong, You're Wise If you Shut Up When You're Right You're Married
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Love Is When She Let's You Touch Her Butt
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In My Defense I Was Left Unsupervised
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If A Woman Says "Do What You Want"…Do Not Do What You Want Don't Move Don't Even Breathe Just Play Dead
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You Should See My Other Hose
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Shut Up Liver You're Fine
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Penny For Your Thoughts…Five Bucks If They Are Dirty
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Lucky For Me I Don't Have Enough Friends For An Intervention
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Never Mistake My Silence For Weakness, No One Plans A Murder Out Loud
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My Wife Made Me Coffee Then Winked At Me…(I Have Never Been More Afraid Of A Drink In All My Life)
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Good Morning, I See The Assassins Have Failed
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I'm Not Everyone's Cup Of Tea…But I Drink Coffee So Screw Them!
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Relax, My Tattoos Don't Like You Either
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Life Is Not A Fairy Tale, If You Lose A Shoe At Midnight You're Drunk
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Dial 1-800-DID-I-ASK-A-BITCH
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If You Were A Cookie You'd Be A Whoreo
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Bold Words For Someone Withing Stabbing Range
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I Heard What You Did For A Klondike Bar…Call Me
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Don't Worry Laundry Nobody's Doing Me Either
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