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I Told My Wife To Embrace Her Mistakes So She Hugged Me
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My Wife Said, "Make Me Scream With One Finger" So I Poked Her In The Eye
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Sometimes I Look At My Husband & Think…"Damn! You Are One Lucky Man!"
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I Told My Wife I Wanted To Be Cremated, She Made An Appointment For Next Week
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You Think I'm Cute When I'm Angry…Well Hang On I'm About To Be Adorable
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You Can Talk Behind My Back…Just Don't Be There When I Turn Around
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I Put Myself In Timeout Until I Can Play Nice With Others (Might Be A While)
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My Temper Goes From Zero To Prison Real Fast
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Spilling A Drink Is The Adult Equivalent Of Losing A Balloon
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Keep Your Head High & Your Middle Finger Higher
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I Don’t' Know How To Say This Nicely…So I Won't
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It's A Beautiful Day To Leave Me Alone
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Better Late Than Ugly
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I Know Your Lane Sucks, But Stay In It
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I'm Humble, But I'll Smack A Bitch
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Excuse The Mess…I'm A Shitty Housewife
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I Wish Being A Bitch Paid The Bills
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I'm Just Waiting To See If My Coffee Chooses To Use It's Powers For Good Or Evil Today
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Your Secret Is Safe With Me…I Wasn't Listening
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Drunk Cigs Don't Count
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I Could Be Wrong But I Doubt It
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Zombies Eat Brains Don't Worry You're Safe
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Let Me Pour You A Nice Tall Glass Of Get Over It…Don't Forget The Straw So You Can Suck It Up
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My Wife Dresses To Kill…She Cooks The Same Way
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