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Your Secret Is Safe With Me…I Wasn't Listening
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Drunk Cigs Don't Count
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I Could Be Wrong But I Doubt It
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Let Me Pour You A Nice Tall Glass Of Get Over It…Don't Forget The Straw So You Can Suck It Up
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My Wife Dresses To Kill…She Cooks The Same Way
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Don't Eat The Yellow Snow
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A Wedding Ring Is The Smallest Handcuff Ever Made…Choose Your Cellmate Wisely
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No Need To Repeat Yourself, I Ignored You Just Fine The First Time!
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It Takes A Lot Of Balls To Golf Like I Do
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I Like Big Putts And I Cannot Lie
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Once You Put My Meat In Your Mouth You're Going To Want To Swallow
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Dishes…We Meet Again You Dirty Bastards
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While Your Wife Is Mowing The Lawn Is Not The Best Time To Say When's Dinner
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I Think Carbs May Be My Soulmate
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Roses Are Red, Chocolates Are Brown, You're Not Getting Either So Calm The Fuck Down
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Some People Say Their Body Is A Temple…Mine Is A Bouncy Castle
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Don't Take Advice From Me You'll End Up Drunk
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Being Kissed While You're Asleep Is One Of The Purest Forms Of Love (Unless You're In Prison)
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What If They Close The Supermarkets And We Have To Hunt For Our Food…Where Does Little Debbie Even Live?
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Turn A Regular Sofa Into A Sofa Bed Simply By Forgetting Your Wife's Birthday!
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Show Me Your Boobs And I'll Show You My Tattoos…Tit For Tat
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My Wife Made Me Coffee Then Winked At Me…(I Have Never Been More Afraid Of A Drink In All My Life)
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Never Mistake My Silence For Weakness, No One Plans A Murder Out Loud
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Lucky For Me I Don't Have Enough Friends For An Intervention
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