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I Want The Job Where I Get To Push Scared Skydivers Out Of Planes
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Not Saying I Hate You But…I Would Unplug Your Life Support To Charge My Phone
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If You Were A Cookie You'd Be A Whoreo
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Long Story Short…I Made Bail
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That's A Horrible Idea…What Time?
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Because I'm A Lady You Asshat
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She Couldn't Remember Was It One Teaspoon Of Arsenic Or Two?
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Underestimate Me…That'll Be Fun
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What Doesn't Kill You…Disappoints Me
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Shhhh…No One Cares
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I Haven't Had Enough Coffee For This
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But, Did You Die?
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That's Bullshit Darling
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Argue With Your Man Naked You'll Win Every Time!
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As Far As I Know I'm Delightful!
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I'm Not The Kind Of Girl You Put On Speaker Phone
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If My Dog Doesn't Like You, I Probably Won't Either
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I Wonder If People Look Both Ways Before Getting On My Nerves
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Wine…Because Punching People In The Throat Is Illegal
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Am I Perfect? No. But Am I Trying To Be A Better Person? Also No.
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I Don't Have The Energy To Pretend To Like You Today
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I Think My Spirit Animal Has Rabies
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Currently Approving My Kids Friends Based On Which Parents I Think Will Drink Wind With Me On Play Dates
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A Good Mom Let's Ya Lick The Beaters A Great Mom Turns Them Off First
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