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I Told My Wife I Wanted To Be Cremated, She Made An Appointment For Next Week
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You Think I'm Cute When I'm Angry…Well Hang On I'm About To Be Adorable
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You Can Talk Behind My Back…Just Don't Be There When I Turn Around
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I Put Myself In Timeout Until I Can Play Nice With Others (Might Be A While)
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My Temper Goes From Zero To Prison Real Fast
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Spilling A Drink Is The Adult Equivalent Of Losing A Balloon
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Keep Your Head High & Your Middle Finger Higher
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I Don’t' Know How To Say This Nicely…So I Won't
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It's A Beautiful Day To Leave Me Alone
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I Know Your Lane Sucks, But Stay In It
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I'm Humble, But I'll Smack A Bitch
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Excuse The Mess…I'm A Shitty Housewife
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I Wish Being A Bitch Paid The Bills
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I'm Just Waiting To See If My Coffee Chooses To Use It's Powers For Good Or Evil Today
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Your Secret Is Safe With Me…I Wasn't Listening
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Drunk Cigs Don't Count
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I Could Be Wrong But I Doubt It
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Zombies Eat Brains Don't Worry You're Safe
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Let Me Pour You A Nice Tall Glass Of Get Over It…Don't Forget The Straw So You Can Suck It Up
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My Wife Dresses To Kill…She Cooks The Same Way
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You Know You're Getting Old When You Clean To The Same Music You Used To Drink To
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Chubby Thighs & Pumpkin Pie
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If Your Phone Doesn't Ring…It's Me
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This Coffee Tastes Like You Should Shut Up Until I Finish It
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